When Las Ramblas Spoke Geordie Scene 3

Scene 3

{ London to Newcastle train. }

( Sound of moving train and coffee machine in buffet car. )

Announcer : The train is now leaving Darlington. Next stop Newcastle.
Cockney Steward :  Look Geordie you need a big squad to compete in Europe. Newcastle just aren’t in the same league as Man U. This is our year in Europe.
Iddy : What again? Haddon a minute. What part of Manchester are you from Cockney?
Cockney : I’m not. I’m from Hackney but that’s irrelevant. I’ve always supported Man U.
Iddy : Since when? Are you an 80s or a 90s fan? I remember  Man U when the team was shit and the fans were … okay. Now the team is…. okay and it’s the fans who are shit. Now piss off and leave me alone. I’m listening to the match.
Cockney : No need to be abusive and take that walkman off when a customer comes.
Iddy : WHAT ?
Cockney : TAKE THAT WALKMAN OFF THERE’S A CUSTOMER !
Iddy : No need to shout. I’ve got two ears.  Look I can take one earpiece out and still serve. And they’re not customers they’re passengers. ( to passenger ) What can I get you?
Passenger :  Three gin and tonics and a pork pie.
Alan Green : ( Radio commentary. ) … and Gillespie goes past the Barcelona defender as if he isn´t there. Crosses. Asprilla’s in the box. Hat – trick ! TINO ASPRILLA AND NEWCASTLE UNITED THREE BARCELONA FOOTBALL CLUB NIL. Magnificent.
Iddy : GET IN ! THREE NIL YOU DIRTY MANC BASTARD !
Passenger : Can I get served please?
Iddy : Sorry pet what was it? Three Tino Asprillas and a pork Gillespie. Here they’re on the house.
Cockney : You’re mad Geordie. Make sure you pay for that.
Iddy : It’s not your fault Cockney. You lot don’t feel it like us. Look at those bridges, the river. I can just see the lights of St James. In a few minutes the lads’ll be heading for the Strawberry to sink a few pints in celebration. Aye. See you Cockney. It’s my stop.
Cockney : You what?

( Iddy makes an announcement over the PA. )

Iddy : I hope all passengers have a had a pleasant journey. We are now pulling into Central Station. The news from St James is, Tino Asprilla three. Football Club Barcelona nil. Finally there is an urgent message for any Manchester United and Sunderland fans on the train,  Bob Stokoe, Ian Porterfield, Peter Reid Monkey Heed, Matt Busby, Bobby Charlton, Captain bloody Marvel, Ooh aah Cantana – we really showed you lot tonight! Howay the lads !

( Sound of passengers cheering and train doors slamming and station noises .)

Announcer : Welcome to Newcastle Upon Tyne. Change here for Metro.

WTRSG

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