When Las Ramblas Spoke Geordie Scene 2

Scene 2
{ In the Strawberry pub before match. }

( Sound of very noisy bar. Football fans cheering and singing. )

Barman : ( Announcing over P.A.. ) Ladies and Gentlemen. Lads and Lasses. The management of the Strawberry public house would like to remind you lucky sods with season tickets that you have 15 minutes to get to your seats. The rest of you sad buggers are welcome to stay here and watch the match on our massive screen and drink us dry. Howay the lads!
Stat : Hi. How’s it going ?
Stevie : Hello Stat. I see you’ve dressed up for the occasion. You can borrow me top if you want so you don’t stick out.
Stat : Thanks but I don’t think I’ll bother. We don’t usually wear club colours in the Platinum club. A tie and badge suffices. It’s not good business to offend the people in the hospitality boxes.
Stevie : Yeah, they might be Man U fans.
Stat : You don’t want another do you ?
Stevie : ‘Course I do.
Stat : I just thought as you’ve got a quarter of a pint left and I’m not stopping long.
Stevie : Just get them in man.
Stat : Okay okay, two pints when you can, cheers. So you’re still selling that rag are you? (reading from fanzine) “Reclaim the game from the football fat cats.” I suppose you think I’m one of the fat cats ?
Stevie : Well you´re not exactly thin are you ?
Stat : What’s your problem ? Look we’ve never had so much success. Statistically NUFC Plc are second only to Man Utd as a sound investment. The ground’s always full and tonight we’re playing FC Barcelona one of the greatest clubs in the world. What have you got to whinge about ?
Stevie : I’m not whinging I’m reminiscing.
Stat : You what ?
Stevie : I was wondering where the lads are tonight. It’ll be early morning in Auckland. The Pie will be under the covers trying to tune in to the BBC. And of course Trotsky’s in Barcelona. Lucky sod. That’ll be handy for the return match. Where’s Iddy nowadays ?
Stat : Back on the railways. Probably abusing cockneys as always.
Stevie : It’s a pity we aren’t all together for this one. Remember when we used to go on the Leaze’s End together ? Remember the atmosphere, the singing and the crack?
Stat : Yeah and the piss on the back of your legs and the fights. The good old days. When we scored we’d throw our whippets in the air and when we lost we’d kick our flat caps. Or was it the other way round ?
Stevie : It wasn’t that bad.
Stat : It was. Soccer’s changed for the better. It’s all down to Sir John. We wouldn’t be where we are today without him.
Stevie : Christ you even sound like him. Since when has football been called soccer ?
Stat : We have to change with the times. Soccer’s big business and Sir John has shown the way.
Stevie : More like shown the door.
Stat : Who to?
Stevie : The unemployed, the pensioners, working class Geordie fans, me and King Kev.
Stat : Keegan resigned.
Stevie : No he was forced out by your mates in the city just like they’ve locked me out of tonight’s match.
Stat : Oh shite ! I’m sorry mate. I couldn’t get you a ticket. I’ve got some customers up from Essex to see the Metro Centre and they want to meet Sir John and Lady Hall, you know how it is.
Stevie : Aye okay. I understand. Don’t worry about me. Rupert hasn’t managed to buy this match so I can watch it here 200 yards away from the ground. At least I’ll hear the crowd live and direct.
Stat : Look I’ve got to go. If we win I’ll see you back here after the match, you can buy me back that pint you owe me.

WTRSG

 

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