When Las Ramblas Spoke Geordie Scene 1

Scene 1
{ An English class in Barcelona. }

(Sound of kids talking in Catalan and desks opening and shutting.)

Trotsky : Hi kids.
Kids : Hi.
Trotsky: If you’re good today and don’t make too much noise we can have a conversation class. I know today’s a special day for everyone. Now listen, you can see my football top. What team is it?
Kids : Juventus. Juventus.
Trotsky : No. No. Juve aren’t the only team to play in black and white. Anyone know?
Josep: Notts County.
Trotsky : Very clever Josep. We all know you’ve got satellite TV. Any others? Las Urracas? The Magpies?
Josep : Newcastle.
Trotsky : That’s correct Josep and that’s why we´re going to finish the class 15 minutes early so everyone can get home and see Newcastle shaft Barça.
Kids : ¿Qué es shaft?
Trotsky : It doesn’t matter. Now, we need to work on the pronunciation. Where are Barça tonight ?
Kids : N.E.W.C.A.S.T.L.E.
Trotsky : No! No! No! Let’s practice that again. It’s NY’CASSEL. Repeat after me, NY’CASSEL!
Kids : NY’CASSEL!
Trotsky : Mas rapido! NY’CASSEL!
Kids : NY’CASSEL! BARÇA!

Trotsky : Okay, quiet please. I’ll have to do some grammar with you. I think the Director is listening. Shh. Today we’re going to learn the present perfect. Josep, can you give
me an example?
Josep : Si, pues, Barça have gone to England and they are going to win to Newcastle..
Trotsky : Very good but the phrase is, Newcastle are going to beat Barça or Barça are going to lose against Newcastle.
Kids : Imposible.
Josep : English football is terrible. The ball is always in the sky and it’s very long.
Trotsky : You mean the long ball game… have gone is the present perfect. It links the past and the present. For example Josep I see you have a Ronaldo shirt on. Ronaldo is not in Newcastle tonight, where has he gone ?
Josep : Italia.
Trotsky : In English please and the full phrase.
Josep : Ronaldo has gone to Italy.
Trotsky : Okay I want everyone to think of a phrase or question in the present perfect. Susanna?
Susanna : Barça have won the European Cup. What have Newcastle won ?
Trotsky : Nowt recently.
Susanna : ¿ Qué es nowt ?
Trotsky : It doesn’t matter, Roger?
Roger : Shearer has broken his uncle and….
Trotsky : The word you want is ankle and I’ll break yours if I get one more smart comment.
Roger : ¿Qué ?
Trotsky : In English please. Alfonso ?
Alfonso : Manchester….
Trotsky : Manchester what ?
Alfonso : No entiendo
Trotsky : How many times have I got to tell you? There are two Manchesters. City or United ?
Alfonso : Ah si. Manchester United have won the league four….
Trotsky : Right that’s it. You! Stand in the corner and everyone else open your books and do exercise four on page 56.

( Bell rings.Sound of kids talking in Catalan and desks moving. )

( Sound of Catalan Rumba. Glasses tinkling and people cheering in Catalan.)

Trotsky : Una cerveza por favor.
Barman : Ah English! You are Newcastle no?
Trotsky : Yes, I am Newcastle.
Barman : I am sorry but Barça win. Spanish league is best in world.
Trotsky : All your players are foreign.
Barman : ¿Qué?
Trotsky : Nada, gracias.

( Barça fans cheer as players run onto pitch. )

Trotsky : HOWAY THE LADS! DO IT FOR ME! COME ON!

WTRSG

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